Control

Anyone who's talked politics with me knows I lean pretty far left, getting toward the socialist end of the spectrum. It might sound odd, but that's mostly a means of resisting market powers that seek to control me because on a personal level I am very, very anti-authoritarian.
I've mentioned wanting to travel as a motivation for following my current career path. Everyone wants to travel, right? For me, the drive goes deeper than that. The biggest reason I want to travel is for the sense of freedom and independence.
In the past few months, I've kind of become obsessed with independence, and I can tell you exactly why that is. For those free of depression, congrats, but let me tell you the worst part: the loss of control.
As a species, we are defined by our ability to think and make decisions for ourselves. This natural aversion is what spurs our desire to autonomy and our scorn of slavery. That's why the loss of this ability can hurt so damn much.
Scientifically speaking, the way we think is essentially a series of chemical reactions and electrical impulses. Sorry to be reductive, but that's what it boils down to. In a healthy brain, this creates a normally thinking and operating person, but when a chemical imbalance is present, motivation can fail.
If you think it's hard to get out of bed when the blankets are tucked in just right, imagine losing the self control to even grab your phone to see if you're missing an appointment, being terrified of knowing what had to be done today, the resistance to doing even your favorite things because who knows what could go wrong. That is a loss of control if ever there was one.
I spent a long time satisfying my need for control in unhealthy ways without realizing what I was doing. For instance, I do quite like video games (I'm likely freaking out about the release of Civ VI as this is published), but it got a bit unhealthy by the end of my second semester of college.
One of the first things I ever did to express financial control was to preorder my PS4. Not only did I express control, I was mind-numbingly excited for it. I literally can't think of a time I was ever more excited about something. This extended into building my gaming hobby itself, the means of using games is even called a controller.
I wasn't able to control myself, but I could control BJ Blaskowitz or the Red Army with the move of an analog stick or a few keystrokes. I realized that I wasn't actually getting any better at the beginning of the summer. If anything, I was only making it worse. So what did I do? I got rid of most of a lot of crap.
I got rid of almost every physical video game I owned. I donated and sold well over 200 books and movies to various locations. The things I owned had gotten to own me, so I got rid of them. Since then I have only felt better. I've read before that people are happier when they spend money on experiences rather  than possessions. Well, I just saw Kanye, and MC Lars is coming up, so I'd say that's right.
Additionally I've just been doing what I can to move toward independence. I'm not saying I am fully independent. I still rely on a lot of help, and my parents do everything they can for me. It's a lot little things that I can feel building toward real independence. Obviously there are the small changes that come with moving away from home (living away from family, buying groceries, other grown up things) but that wasn't enough for me. Not nearly.
I've started cooking for myself. It's a hobby at best right now, but I'm learning. I'm getting better, and it's quite enjoyable. If nothing else, it gives me a chance to show off to my hot girlfriend, so that's a benefit.
Speaking of, let me give a quick explanation of how Allie and I started getting closer. We've known each other for years thanks to Governor's Camp, but over the summer, when I was getting rid of mass amounts of possessions, I was becoming interested in ways to change my life. That's why I bought a bike.
While learning more about the basics of bike maintenance and use as a primary form of transit (totally recommend, by the way) I stumbled on a YouTuber who also talked about being vegan. Having read about the mental health benefits of veganism when properly implemented, I grew more curious about the lifestyle. Knowing only one vegan, I reached out to her. Since then, she's supported me as I transition to veganism. Anyone can judge me, but I love the control, and the way I feel is even better. I'm happier. That's what really matters.
Finally, I switched onto my own phone plan. More than that, I got an unlocked phone. With the OnePlus 3 holstered in my pocket, I've made a small, but meaningful transition toward being an adult. In addition to being more affordable, I'm not bound to any carrier, contract, or even country. If I go to Russia, I can just slide in a new SIM-card, and I'm good. No fees or permissions, just thre freedom to do as I please. It's a minor necessity, but one I can handle.
Overall, I'm making moves, but the biggest point of this independence in regaining control over my life. It's different, and my identity is definitely going through a change right now. But I'm happier for this.